the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
