im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
