Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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