Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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