You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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