What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
