I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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