Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
