you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize