We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
