Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
