Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so let's talk penis.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
