hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
