the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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