Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
