i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
