FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
