I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
