I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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