i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
