Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
