Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
