Girls should come with a carfax report
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
