you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
