wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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