your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
