im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
