All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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