then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
