put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
