Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize