I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
