Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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