I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
