I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
