so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
