dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize