i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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