The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
