Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize