the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
