fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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