Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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