good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
