Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
