Say something about gay babies.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
