my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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