May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
