You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
