gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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