she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
