I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
