??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
