You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
