i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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