I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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