Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then my night got REAL pukey
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
