it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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