I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
