I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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