I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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