We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize