too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize