I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
