fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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