apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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