Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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