when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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