Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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