tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
