Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm too high and old for this...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
