Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
