I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
