Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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